ALEXANDRA HAS BEEN FEATURED IN:
Nationwide Influence
LAW OFFICES
CLINICIAN'S DESKS
UNIVERSITY LIBRARIES
Inside the Pages
ON SHAME:
“Shame is a soul-eating emotion. For men, it convinces them that speaking up is weakness and silence is survival.”
ON SILENCE:
“Many men do not report abuse because they do not know they are allowed to be victims.”
ON PSYCHOLOGICAL EROSION:
“Emotional abuse rarely begins with violence. It begins with doubt. And it ends with the loss of self.”
Research Highlights
Men face IPV but are screened less than 10% of the time
Male victims face higher arrest rates when reporting
Suicide risk among male IPV victims reaches 10–15%
Psychological abuse is the most common form of IPV against men
Standard IPV screening often misses male victims
Psychological and administrative abuse are underrepresented in IPV definitions
First Accounts
“For years, men sat across from me
and told their stories—without ever using the word abuse. Not because it wasn’t happening. But because no one had given
them permission to see it.
Shameful Silence invites you to widen the aperture of how you see domestic violence— without detracting from the experiences of women or undermining feminist progress.”
— ALEXANDRA LOZANO
Chapter Themes
-
The architecture of shame
-
Why men don’t report
-
Masculinity myths and stigma
-
Immigration as coercive control
-
False allegations and legal abuse
-
Systemic failures in policing and courts
-
Trauma bonding and learned helplessness
-
Healing, recovery, and reclaiming agency
“Violence has no gender.”
Domestic violence is not a gendered phenomenon but our systems treat it as one.
Drawing on original research, survivor narratives, and decades of legal and clinical insight, Shameful Silence exposes how men experience abuse, why they remain unseen, and how shame, bias, and systemic failure keep them silent.
​
This is a public health reckoning and a call to expand how we define violence, victimhood, and care.
About the Author
Alexandra Lozano is a human rights attorney, advocate, and researcher who has spent years listening to the overlooked stories of male survivors of domestic violence. As a legal witness to thousands of cases, she reveals how shame, masculinity myths, immigration status, and systemic bias silence victims. Her work reframes domestic violence as a public health issue that affects everyone. Shameful Silence is her first major nonfiction book.
A Must Read
Shameful Silence reframes domestic violence against men as a public health blind spot—one created not by absence of harm, but by absence of recognition.
​
Men experience emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, and administrative abuse at significant rates, yet remain largely invisible in research, media, and institutional response.