About the Author

This is NOT a book about BLAME.

It's about recognition, public health, and humane understanding. Powerful research. Real case insights. A call for reform. It is clear that violence has no gender. Silence shouldn’t either.

Human Rights Attorney

Human rights attorney, legal advocate, and researcher, her work sits at the intersection of domestic violence, masculinity, trauma, and systemic bias. As the founder of a nationally recognized immigration law firm, she has spent years interviewing, supporting, and representing men whose stories of abuse were rarely taken seriously — by systems, by society, or even by themselves.

Through thousands of cases, Alexandra witnessed a striking pattern: men suffering in silence, ashamed to speak, afraid to seek help, and deeply vulnerable to misclassification by the systems meant to protect them. She became a “legal witness,” hearing stories that almost never make it into public discourse.

Drawing on psychological research, cultural analysis, and lived experiences from immigrant and Latino communities, Alexandra connects hidden dots between trauma, shame, masculinity, immigration, coercive control, and systemic failures. Her work reframes domestic violence as a public health crisis that affects everyone — across all genders, cultures, and communities.

In Shameful Silence, she serves not as an activist, provocateur, or political voice, but as an interpreter: someone who has seen what society has overlooked and is now helping the public understand the full truth of domestic violence.

Alexandra is a sought-after speaker on mental health, trauma, public health, and domestic violence advocacy, and her commentary has been featured across legal and cultural platforms.

She lives with her family and dogs and continues to advocate for survivors whose voices deserve to be heard.

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Go Deeper Inside the Book

Primary Conversations

“The Hidden Epidemic: Why Male Domestic Violence Has Been Ignored for Decades.”

A public health framing with new data & insights.

“The Shame Factor: The #1 Reason Men Don’t Report Domestic Abuse”

Psychology, masculinity norms, trauma patterns.

“When Calling the Police Gets You Arrested: System Bias Against Male Victims”

Mandatory arrest laws & primary aggressor bias.

"Threats, coercion, and legal barriers for immigrant men."

“Domestic Violence Has No Gender. So Why Is Our System Still Designed for Only One Victim Profile?”

Shelters, screening tools, funding gaps.

“Redefining Masculinity: How Cultural Myths Trap Men in Silence”

A cultural and psychological deep dive.

“The Mental Health Toll on Men Who Cannot Speak”

PTSD, depression, suicidality, shame loops.

“Latino Men & Domestic Violence: What Culture Teaches Us About Silence”
“Why Family Courts Routinely Fail Fathers Who Are Victims”
“The Psychology of Gaslighting and Coercion in Male Victims”
“Threats & Control: What Ally Lozano Learned in Thousands of Cases”

Niche Conversations

Facts & Stats

1 in 3 men experience Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in their lifetime.
Men are less likely than women to report IPV to police.
A significant number of male victims fear being arrested if they call for help.
There are fewer than two dozen shelters for men in the U.S.
Male victims face higher rates of shame-induced silence.
LGBTQ+ male victims face the highest underreporting rates due to stigma.

FAQ & Interview Questions

Q1: Why write a book about male domestic violence? Isn’t domestic violence primarily a women’s issue?

A: Women experience domestic violence at devastating rates — and acknowledging male victims doesn’t diminish that truth. What my years as an attorney showed me is that violence has no gender. Men experience abuse too, but shame, stigma, and systemic design keep them silent. This book widens the aperture, not shifts it.

Q2: Is this book anti-feminist?

A: Not at all. Supporting male victims strengthens the fight against gender-based violence. Female victims deserve protection — and so do male victims. The two are not in competition.

Q3: Why don’t men report abuse?

A: Shame. Masculinity norms. Fear of arrest. Fear of being dismissed. And in immigrant communities, fear of deportation. The shame architecture is incredibly powerful.

Q4: What surprised you most while researching this book?

A: How much research already existed — and how little the public ever sees it. The data has been there for years, but doesn’t make headlines.

Q5: Can you talk about systemic failures, especially with police response?

A: Absolutely. Primary aggressor laws often misclassify men. Mandatory arrest policies can punish victims. Officers are taught to look for certain victim profiles — and men rarely fit them.

Q6: Your book has a large section on immigration. What did you learn?

A: Immigration status is one of the most powerful tools of coercive control. Threats of deportation, withholding documents, and sabotaging applications — these are all forms of abuse.

Q7: What do you say to people who think male victimization undermines female victim advocacy?

A: I say: expanding truth helps everyone. We are all safer when our systems recognize all victims.

Q8: What reforms do you hope this book inspires?

A: Better screening tools, better training, better data collection, more shelters for men, and more awareness among clinicians, advocates, and law enforcement.